Written by: Anne Semans

Let me explain right off the bat that this isn't going to be a column about toys typically associated with men. No power tools, no sporty cars, no fast computers. I'll leave those topics to Details and Esquire, and describe instead the kinds of playthings that get right to the heart of pleasure: sex toys.

But before I talk about the toys, let me talk about men's attitude towards sex toys. Of course there are plenty of self-aware, sex positive men who are happily playing with toys on a regular basis. But because I love to generalize, I'd say that when it comes to sex toys, men tend to fall into two camps: those who think 1) toys are an insult to my manhood, or 2) I like 'em but I'll never admit it.

My first boyfriend falls squarely into camp number one. When I went to my twentieth high school reunion and told him that I sold sex toys for a living, he replied, "I don't need those things, I'm huge." Of course my response was the time-honored, "It's not what you have, but what you do with it that matters, and sex toys let you do a whole lot more with it." But what he said rings true for many men: in the bedroom you shouldn't need anything but what you were born with, otherwise it's a sign of failure, inadequacy, or downright wimpiness.

There are a lot of guys in camp number two experimenting with sex toys, which explains why it's a billion dollar industry. But you don't see any Home Depot-sized stores full of cock rings, sleeves and vibrators. No, most people who want a sex toy have to don a disguise so they won't be recognized entering the local XXX video store. Sure, they might emerge with a toy that'll bring them orgasmic delight, but they'll most likely experience it as a guilty pleasure, given the secrecy and shame our culture has long associated with sexuality.

Regardless of whatever camp you're in, you're entitled to a great sex life. Getting it means letting go of insecurities, shutting out negative sexual messages, and just focusing on what brings you pleasure. Sex toys help you learn more about your sexual responses, and they expand your potential for pleasure. Who wouldn't want that? So I'm putting out a call to all men, to take matters into their own hands-so to speak-and try on a little sexual diversity! I'll describe a few sex toys and how they can enhance your solo or partnered sex play. All toys can be purchased at Libida.com.

Masturbation Sleeves
I must admit, before writing my first book, The New Good Vibrations Guide to Sex, I just figured all men masturbated with their hands. While this is a classic method, my co-author and I heard from countless men who employed everything from couch cushions, toilet paper rolls, and knotholes in the floor to get off. Today, you don't need to worry about stains or splinters; you can get your rocks off safely with something called a "sleeve."

Intended to recreate the experience of a penis in a vagina, sleeves are simply tubes into which your penis is inserted. Squirt a bit of lube inside to make the sleeve more comfortable, particularly if you'll be thrusting in and out of it.

Toys to try:
Lube: Use a water-based lube like Astroglide in your sleeve since it washes out easily.

Cock Rings, also known as Penis Rings
These are rings designed to fit around the base of the penis and the scrotum, restricting blood flow out of the penis. The resulting pressure can be very pleasurable and can heighten sensation in the penis and testicles. Since cock rings act to constrict the veins that would allow blood to drain out of an erection, some men find that wearing cock rings prolongs their erection or even makes their erection firmer, a side effect that can enhance intercourse for both parties involved. Said one satisfied user, "My most enjoyable sex toy was a cock ring. It was interesting and added about two hours until my orgasm, and when I came-Wow, Bam, Pow, Shazam." As for me, I think cock rings are VERY sexy on men. My definition of a well-dressed man is one who's wearing nothing but a leather cock ring.

Toys to try:
The Leather Cock Ring is stylish and easily adjustable.

Tie Your Own Cock Ring is made of super stretchy material and is fully adjustable, so that one size does fit all.

Vibrating Cock Ring with Clitoral Stimulator.
With the addition of a vibrator on one side of the ring, the classic cock ring gets taken to a whole new level. Now the toy can be introduced to a partner--the man puts the cock ring on with the vibrator part facing up, and during vaginal intercourse it will vibrate the woman's clitoris (while also vibrating his penis). This is great for women who need a little more stimulation during penetration. Experiment with thrusting depth and frequency-if a woman requires more direct, clitoral stimulation, both partners should remain somewhat motionless once the penis is inside her, or the man can try shallow rocking, rather than thrusting.

Alternately, you can flip this toy upside down so the vibrator is underneath the penis and facing inward. This stimulates the testicles during partner or solo play. As one happy customer exclaimed, "Love the cock ring vibrator-I swear I'm having a whipped cream ejaculation!"

Toys to try:
Neo Ring: A stretchy, thick elastomer cock ring with touch-activated vibrations and metal ribbed inserts for extra thrills! The ring itself is nearly a half-inch thick, and has 6 tiny metal ridges inserted inside which intensifies the vibrations and provides extra stimulation to the penis.

Anal Toys for Prostate Stimulation
The prostate is analogous to the G-spot in women, and is a source of sexual pleasure for many men. The prostate gland, an internal organ that produces ejaculatory fluid, is situated behind the pubic bone and just below the bladder. Many men can have orgasms purely from prostate stimulation. Prostate massage also enhances genital stimulation, as it produces pressure against the root of the penis that feels like an internal erotic massage. As with G-spot stimulation in women, men are more likely to enjoy prostate stimulation once they're already aroused.

You can massage your prostate by inserting a finger about three inches into your anus and stroking toward the front of your body through the walls of your rectum. You'll feel the prostate as a firm bulge about the size of a walnut. Given the angles you're working with, you may find it difficult to reach your prostate with your own fingers, but a partner's fingers, a vibrator or a dildo can come in handy. If you use a toy, make sure to use one with a flared base.

Toys to try:
Aneros: This anal didlo is designed to increase the intensity of your orgasms and learn to have multiple orgasms through prostate stimulation. This bestselling sex toy for men is anatomically designed to massage the prostate from three sides. The main arm massages the prostate directly while a second arm stimulates the other side by tickling the perineum. A curly handle allows for easy penetration, removal, and manipulation alone or by a partner.

Pouchy Condoms:Even though I've never had much sympathy for the old "condoms feels like I'm wearing a raincoat in the shower" complaint (responsibility is what's important), I'd never begrudge a man a fine-feeling condom. In fact, I'd be the first to put one on an obliging penis. And thanks to a new breed of condoms with pouchy tips, men are starting to rave about condoms (I don't think I've ever put "men," "rave" and "condom" in the same sentence.)

Unlike typical condoms that get tighter at the head, these get baggier which gives the penis more room to move and creates friction-y areas that provide more sensation for the wearer. Because the head of the penis is the most sensitive, the condom targets these spots. With less restriction at the head of the penis, he can pretend that he's not wearing a condom at all, and lose that raincoat metaphor once and for all.

Condoms to try:
Pleasure Plus is the original, with little nubs inside the tip to further enhance sensation.

All set men? Go out and give those toys a try!

© 2007 by Anne Semans. All rights Reserved. About the author: Anne Semans is the senior editor at Libida.com. She's the co-author of The Mother's Guide to Sex, The New Good Vibrations Guide to Sex, and The Woman's Guide to Sex on the Web.

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